[ of all the things. dean's not exactly surprised that some other version of him has shown up, but to find out about it when the mess with sam -- and christ, doesn't it just fucking sting to even think about it -- is still barely cooling off...
he deserves it, but it doesn't leave dean very happy about it. especially not when he hears an all too familiar voice and turns to find, well, himself right there. he makes sure there's plenty of space between them before giving his past-self a once over, then settles for a strained smirk that lacks any amusement.
he'll be the first to shoot anyone here if it comes down to it. ]
[ He was just as hopeful he'd never have to deal with anything like this again, but now it's not just him, it's Cas, too. He hates the reminder that he's fucked up this badly, done this much wrong in another universe.
Dean keeps a healthy distance between them, watching him warily. He knows what he'd do, and that's shoot first, which means it's likely on the other's mind, too.
He's not here to kill him, though. Much as he'd like to. Instead, he raises his eyebrows, waiting. ]
[ there's no doubt that dean knows what's gone down-- of course he does. if not from cas, then castiel must have told him. unless it was sam. now wouldn't that be hilariously fucked up. ]
Why don't you go ask him.
[ not getting any straight answers out of him, buddy. ]
[ Anger flares in his chest, hot and furious and he's so fucking disgusted that it takes a moment to even speak. ]
Already did.
[ And a step forward, still wary, but not giving any ground, because like hell he's getting away with this, like hell Dean's going to let him just walk after what he did to Sam. ]
What, it wasn't enough that you got everyone else killed? Gotta take Sam down too?
[ one hand curls into a fist at his side, forces him to bite back the rage that fires up immediately. ]
You have no goddamn clue what you're talkin' about. [ but even so, it is the truth; the bottom line fact is that he had killed sam, and dean for all his anger, can't let that fly. ]
What're you gonna do 'bout it? Put a bullet in me? Go right ahead.
[ He has every idea of what happened, don't you dare even think about telling him that he doesn't. Dean bristles up just as much, hanging onto the fury because it keeps his head clear. ]
Don't tempt me.
[ He debates it. For a split second, he debates it, but Sam. Cas. The last thing they need is this, some sort of mess where the two of them go after each other every day.
[ it's something he's punished himself for a few days now, and will continue to do so for a long, long time. he should have been able to tell the difference, he thought he would be, and yet here they are, sam newly revived from the bullet dean put in him. ]
But he's back now.
[ like that excuses anything, hah. he looks like he's about to say something more, but the words get stuck behind that ever-harsh look on his face. ]
You've got somethin' seriously messed up in your head, man.
[ He just can't see how he became this. How he fell this far, how he's this broken. He's not exactly the best person that's ever existed- Dean has no illusions about that, but this is a special level of fucked. ]
[ It's the nonchalance that gets to him. That anger burns up, curls in his stomach, makes his hands fist and before he even thinks about it, he's stalking forward. The gun's forgotten - it won't be as satisfying as just hauling back and slamming his fist into his face.
Punching people isn't ever fun but goddamn does it feel good. ]
It was Sam. [ That's what he can't get over. ] Don't you come near any of them, d'you understand.
[ he's been expecting this, sort of. doesn't mean he does anything to stop it, or even sees it coming when dean does finally throw his fist in his face. it hurts good, sends a shock of pain through his entire body and has him cradling his jaw as he stumbles back.
[ He wants to do it again - wants to keep hitting him, like he can punch understanding through him, like he can get this other version of him to grasp the concept that he'd murdered their brother, and it was pure fucking luck he'd come back. That he'd as good as murdered everyone who trusted him, dragging them into the firefight.
That they can make their own decisions doesn't even factor in. It's still him - it still falls on his shoulders, that those people had followed him to take down Lucifer and Dean walked them into a trap. That's on him. ]
I sure as hell won't kill you.
[ They both know it won't do any good, now. Which means being creative. He won't start torturing again, but keeping him locked down? You bet your ass. ]
[ he knows he'll just come back -- wishes he wouldn't -- so it defeats the purpose, but for all he's hurt sam, he doesn't give a rat's ass about hurting his own self. not one, and he'll do it if dean fucks with him, in whatever way he has to.
he wipes at his mouth then, finds red trailing away from his broken lip. ]
You can't keep me away from them, I won't let you.
[ No, he didn't make the right choices. Sam was still stuck in Hell, still stuck with Lucifer and Michael and their younger brother. It wasn't the right choice but Sam's-- well. He made it out. It was fucked six ways from sunday, but he got Sam back and--
Dean recoils visibly, stiffening up. This other Dean might not know what he's had to do - that he let Sam do the trials, that he's sick, close to dying, but it's true. They're doomed to fuck them up, just in different ways.
He swallows harshly and forces a smile, no humor in it. ]
Doesn't change I'm doing better than you. At least I won't lead them to get ground into meat 'cause I can't cope with what I let our brother become.
[ oh, he can see that reaction, and it pleases him-- even if only a fraction. ]
Maybe not, but there are worse things than death. [ dean wishes sam had never said yes, even now, but for a moment he wants this dean to feel that agonizing pain of watching their brother become lucifer's bitch. ]
[ And you bet your ass he'll hold that over Dean's head until the end of time. It's not like his option was that much better- Sam was still Lucifer's meatsuit, it's just he got him back. ]
Can't imagine that doesn't chafe a little. Knowing you fucked it up that bad but there were other options, 's just you couldn't do it.
What the hell're you talking about? Of course it's gonna happen--
[ but dean's talking like that's a possibility of the past, something that didn't happen for him, and no-- it does chafe, it fucking hurts -- threatens to, at least -- and he doesn't want to believe it. ]
[ And oh, it's a vicious, horrible little bit of glee in his voice at that realization. Dean watches him, waiting. ]
It didn't happen. Sammy - our brother, the one you gunned down? Became one of the best goddamn hunters there is. He's done shit you and I can't even hope to come close to.
[ Which is why he needs to get back. He needs to make sure he's okay. ]
You're lying-- there's no way you could have avoided it, none. [ no, no, no. it had all been set; fate and destiny, as much as dean fucking hates those concepts. and yet here he has himself telling him otherwise, with glee dean recognizes too well.
he steps closer, hands curled and ready to lash out. ]
I don't know what fuckin' joke you're tryin' to pull but it ain't funny.
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Date: 2013-10-22 06:18 am (UTC)he deserves it, but it doesn't leave dean very happy about it. especially not when he hears an all too familiar voice and turns to find, well, himself right there. he makes sure there's plenty of space between them before giving his past-self a once over, then settles for a strained smirk that lacks any amusement.
he'll be the first to shoot anyone here if it comes down to it. ]
Feeling's fuckin' mutual, trust me.
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Date: 2013-10-22 06:21 am (UTC)Dean keeps a healthy distance between them, watching him warily. He knows what he'd do, and that's shoot first, which means it's likely on the other's mind, too.
He's not here to kill him, though. Much as he'd like to. Instead, he raises his eyebrows, waiting. ]
Yeah? And where's Sam fall into all this?
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Date: 2013-10-22 06:27 am (UTC)Why don't you go ask him.
[ not getting any straight answers out of him, buddy. ]
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Date: 2013-10-22 06:31 am (UTC)Already did.
[ And a step forward, still wary, but not giving any ground, because like hell he's getting away with this, like hell Dean's going to let him just walk after what he did to Sam. ]
What, it wasn't enough that you got everyone else killed? Gotta take Sam down too?
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Date: 2013-10-22 06:34 am (UTC)You have no goddamn clue what you're talkin' about. [ but even so, it is the truth; the bottom line fact is that he had killed sam, and dean for all his anger, can't let that fly. ]
What're you gonna do 'bout it? Put a bullet in me? Go right ahead.
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Date: 2013-10-22 02:47 pm (UTC)[ He has every idea of what happened, don't you dare even think about telling him that he doesn't. Dean bristles up just as much, hanging onto the fury because it keeps his head clear. ]
Don't tempt me.
[ He debates it. For a split second, he debates it, but Sam. Cas. The last thing they need is this, some sort of mess where the two of them go after each other every day.
His hand doesn't leave that spot, though. ]
Sam and Cas deserve better than that.
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Date: 2013-10-22 05:28 pm (UTC)Right. [ beat. ]
So is that it? Just want to throw the better-me act around or was there something more you wanted to get off your chest.
[ each word is mocking, a challenge. ]
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Date: 2013-10-22 05:32 pm (UTC)[ That's what it all comes down to, isn't it? It always boils down to Sam. ]
So yeah, if we're going to throw around the better-me act, I think I win.
[ He would ask why, but he thinks he knows - Dean ought to be able to tell the difference between their kid brother and the Devil though. ]
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Date: 2013-10-22 05:39 pm (UTC)[ it's something he's punished himself for a few days now, and will continue to do so for a long, long time. he should have been able to tell the difference, he thought he would be, and yet here they are, sam newly revived from the bullet dean put in him. ]
But he's back now.
[ like that excuses anything, hah. he looks like he's about to say something more, but the words get stuck behind that ever-harsh look on his face. ]
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Date: 2013-10-22 05:42 pm (UTC)[ He just can't see how he became this. How he fell this far, how he's this broken. He's not exactly the best person that's ever existed- Dean has no illusions about that, but this is a special level of fucked. ]
So that makes it okay, huh.
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Date: 2013-10-22 05:44 pm (UTC)[ there's nothing okay about it, but you don't get to know how deep his own actions have cut him. ]
But it's done, it's over-- I can't change what happened.
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Date: 2013-10-22 05:49 pm (UTC)Punching people isn't ever fun but goddamn does it feel good. ]
It was Sam. [ That's what he can't get over. ] Don't you come near any of them, d'you understand.
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Date: 2013-10-22 05:56 pm (UTC)the glare isn't any less poisonous. ]
Or what?
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Date: 2013-10-22 06:00 pm (UTC)That they can make their own decisions doesn't even factor in. It's still him - it still falls on his shoulders, that those people had followed him to take down Lucifer and Dean walked them into a trap. That's on him. ]
I sure as hell won't kill you.
[ They both know it won't do any good, now. Which means being creative. He won't start torturing again, but keeping him locked down? You bet your ass. ]
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Date: 2013-10-22 06:07 pm (UTC)[ he knows he'll just come back -- wishes he wouldn't -- so it defeats the purpose, but for all he's hurt sam, he doesn't give a rat's ass about hurting his own self. not one, and he'll do it if dean fucks with him, in whatever way he has to.
he wipes at his mouth then, finds red trailing away from his broken lip. ]
You can't keep me away from them, I won't let you.
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Date: 2013-10-22 06:10 pm (UTC)[ He'll just keep coming back and Dean doesn't want to try and think about how he'd track him down again.
Dean doesn't back off; he sees that splash of red and considers it again. It wouldn't fix anything but it'll sure as hell make him feel better. ]
Can't I? Didn't you fuck up enough? Wasn't bad enough you fucked Cas up, but you wanna do that to Sam, to this Cas too?
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Date: 2013-10-22 06:19 pm (UTC)The only reason I fucked up is because of you. You're weak, you didn't make the right choices. [ you didn't say yes when you had the chance. ]
So the way I see it? I don't have to do anything to Sam or Cas, you'll do that just fine on your own-- even here.
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Date: 2013-10-22 06:24 pm (UTC)[ No, he didn't make the right choices. Sam was still stuck in Hell, still stuck with Lucifer and Michael and their younger brother. It wasn't the right choice but Sam's-- well. He made it out. It was fucked six ways from sunday, but he got Sam back and--
Dean recoils visibly, stiffening up. This other Dean might not know what he's had to do - that he let Sam do the trials, that he's sick, close to dying, but it's true. They're doomed to fuck them up, just in different ways.
He swallows harshly and forces a smile, no humor in it. ]
Doesn't change I'm doing better than you. At least I won't lead them to get ground into meat 'cause I can't cope with what I let our brother become.
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Date: 2013-10-22 06:32 pm (UTC)Maybe not, but there are worse things than death. [ dean wishes sam had never said yes, even now, but for a moment he wants this dean to feel that agonizing pain of watching their brother become lucifer's bitch. ]
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Date: 2013-10-22 06:35 pm (UTC)[ And you bet your ass he'll hold that over Dean's head until the end of time. It's not like his option was that much better- Sam was still Lucifer's meatsuit, it's just he got him back. ]
Can't imagine that doesn't chafe a little. Knowing you fucked it up that bad but there were other options, 's just you couldn't do it.
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Date: 2013-10-22 06:46 pm (UTC)What the hell're you talking about? Of course it's gonna happen--
[ but dean's talking like that's a possibility of the past, something that didn't happen for him, and no-- it does chafe, it fucking hurts -- threatens to, at least -- and he doesn't want to believe it. ]
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Date: 2013-10-22 06:50 pm (UTC)[ And oh, it's a vicious, horrible little bit of glee in his voice at that realization. Dean watches him, waiting. ]
It didn't happen. Sammy - our brother, the one you gunned down? Became one of the best goddamn hunters there is. He's done shit you and I can't even hope to come close to.
[ Which is why he needs to get back. He needs to make sure he's okay. ]
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Date: 2013-10-22 08:02 pm (UTC)You're lying-- there's no way you could have avoided it, none. [ no, no, no. it had all been set; fate and destiny, as much as dean fucking hates those concepts. and yet here he has himself telling him otherwise, with glee dean recognizes too well.
he steps closer, hands curled and ready to lash out. ]
I don't know what fuckin' joke you're tryin' to pull but it ain't funny.
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Date: 2013-10-22 08:04 pm (UTC)[ Oh, he has the high ground now, too. Dean grins, teeth flashing white in the dim lighting around them and he steps in close, too. ]
Lucifer and Michael got locked in the cage.
Sammy- well it ain't all peaches and cream, but he beats the devil.
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Date: 2013-10-22 08:18 pm (UTC)and dean's curling a hand into the lapels of his past-self's jacket, hauling him closer in a flash. ]
You must really think I'm a goddamn fool--
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