[ sam is his world. had been even after lucifer had somehow managed to make him say yes. here, he has a second chance to make sure it never comes down to that again and dean can't afford to fuck it up, to be selfish and hope for a better way. ]
He'll have other-me, I have to do this.
[ he might hate his past-self, really does, but if there's one thing dean can count on it's that dean will always make sam first priority, keep him safe. ]
Have to try this, Cas, you know that, damn it--
[ instead of squeezing more though, dean's grip loosens as he draws back, something between anger and the overwhelming and crushing failure from their previous attempt at all of this lingering over his face. ]
[ But he doesn't. He doesn't, and that obligation is sitting heavy between both of them like a weight furiously tipping further and further in Dean's favor. Castiel would let him go. If it's what the other man wanted, he'd give him whatever it was and not say a word. Yet, this is far more than that. This is thinking and acting irresponsibly, reaching for the only obvious option among others they have hardly touched.
It's not the same in this world as it is theirs. He wishes for Dean to see that. He needs him to. ]
I know that you think this is the only way. [ Because it's been ingrained in him since the very beginning, slowly fed to him when Castiel raised him from Hell and straight through to the end of the world. ] But it's not. [ He exerts enough force to shove his hand away, breaking the contact but not doing anything to remove his hand from that shoulder. If anything, he clamps down and squeezes. ]
Because we cannot die here, it will never end if you say yes. You won't win. At least... [ His voice drops lower, eyes cast to the side. ] You should consider that.
[ to dean it's all the same. this world, their world, there is no difference; both are playgrounds for lucifer to destroy if he so wills it, and dean can't let that happen. not when it'll cost him sam again. ]
But with Michael's power we might be able to make it permanent. We have to try it, we have to-- [ the squeeze gets a quiet sound, a struggle because dean knows this isn't the best method, that dying shouldn't solve anything. but it just might. ]
And if it's like you say, I'll come back too, and we'll try something different.
[ If he knows it isn't the best method, he would stop being so stubborn about this and accept that it's not going to change. But this is how it always has been. This is how it's always going to be, and Castiel refuses to accept that. He drops his hand away, curling his fingers tight into a fist. ]
I should realize by now not to except otherwise.
[ The from you is unspoken but there, tacked on at the end. Castiel steps forward, almost aggressive as he knocks shoulders with Dean to move him aside. He doesn't want to stay here and listen to more of his suicidal plans. He wishes so strongly in that moment he could just fly away and be done with this. ] Do what you want.
[ It's a hiss, impossibly angry, and he walks away. ]
[ yes, you should have he wants to say, but the anger in that shove doesn't go unnoticed, nor the line of tension in cas' entire body, the disappointment there, in dean. so he doesn't say anything for once, but doesn't budge from his opinion either.
he can't.
it's not something he wants to do, exactly, but he has to try. and if cas doesn't understand that, well, maybe it's better that way. he's been asking the other man to walk away from him as is, and now that he's doing so, dean won't stop him. ]
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action.
Date: 2013-11-30 09:21 pm (UTC)He'll have other-me, I have to do this.
[ he might hate his past-self, really does, but if there's one thing dean can count on it's that dean will always make sam first priority, keep him safe. ]
Have to try this, Cas, you know that, damn it--
[ instead of squeezing more though, dean's grip loosens as he draws back, something between anger and the overwhelming and crushing failure from their previous attempt at all of this lingering over his face. ]
action.
Date: 2013-11-30 09:57 pm (UTC)It's not the same in this world as it is theirs. He wishes for Dean to see that. He needs him to. ]
I know that you think this is the only way. [ Because it's been ingrained in him since the very beginning, slowly fed to him when Castiel raised him from Hell and straight through to the end of the world. ] But it's not. [ He exerts enough force to shove his hand away, breaking the contact but not doing anything to remove his hand from that shoulder. If anything, he clamps down and squeezes. ]
Because we cannot die here, it will never end if you say yes. You won't win. At least... [ His voice drops lower, eyes cast to the side. ] You should consider that.
action.
Date: 2013-12-02 01:53 am (UTC)But with Michael's power we might be able to make it permanent. We have to try it, we have to-- [ the squeeze gets a quiet sound, a struggle because dean knows this isn't the best method, that dying shouldn't solve anything. but it just might. ]
And if it's like you say, I'll come back too, and we'll try something different.
action.
Date: 2013-12-02 06:11 pm (UTC)I should realize by now not to except otherwise.
[ The from you is unspoken but there, tacked on at the end. Castiel steps forward, almost aggressive as he knocks shoulders with Dean to move him aside. He doesn't want to stay here and listen to more of his suicidal plans. He wishes so strongly in that moment he could just fly away and be done with this. ] Do what you want.
[ It's a hiss, impossibly angry, and he walks away. ]
action.
Date: 2013-12-02 10:02 pm (UTC)he can't.
it's not something he wants to do, exactly, but he has to try. and if cas doesn't understand that, well, maybe it's better that way. he's been asking the other man to walk away from him as is, and now that he's doing so, dean won't stop him. ]