[ It's only then does the smile falter, eyes rolling over Dean and beyond to the untouched bottle he'd left sitting. What more do they have in common now besides this? Castiel sees it, like most things, as an opportunity, and he picks it up after some maneuvering, this time settling himself on the floor by his bed.
He has to look up at him from this angle, but it's not the first time he's done so. ]
I'm not keeping you from it. [ Because he still has the other bottle. Castiel opens his and leans back, watching him as he takes a drink. ]
[ damn right, you ain't. as if it's a challenge, dean takes a long drink from the bottle, right until he has to part from it just to breathe. it burns good though, sets low in his stomach like solid warmth. ]
So... manage to taint your screw up of a past self yet? He was there, you know, on the spaceship when it happened.
[ He almost laughs at the screw up part, how he knows that to be true, so true, but the last of it has him drawing up short, the sound more clearing his throat than anything else. Castiel swallows what's in his mouth and sits back, looking up to the ceiling. ]
I do, and he's aware of his mistakes. [ More than. There's something like a hum. ] Have you, uhm, seen him around?
[ Because he hasn't. Not since contacting him a few days prior when he'd learned the news himself. It makes him angry, but there's a little pride mixed with it, knowing that he had succeeded where his supposed "better" self had not, even if it had only been once. It's twisted logic, and it has him drinking again--several big, quick swallows. ]
Not since he took Sam's body. [ not that dean particularly cares. castiel isn't useful to him anymore, not with the anger he holds for dean because of what he'd done, and now that there's no lucifer to hunt...
dean has no plans of approaching the angel. ]
Probably better that way.
[ he would, god knows it, just end up getting castiel killed most likely. ]
[ That, however, he hadn't known, and he's quiet for several long seconds, allowing them to fade into a minute. Two, which is taken to drink and let the burn of alcohol settle in his belly. Whatever it is, it's strong, but it doesn't negate the twitch of annoyance he feels thinking of the angel.
There's a low sound of dissatisfaction. ]
I think it would be... unwise to disregard him completely. Past you, as well. [ He drops his gaze, leveling with Dean. ] It seems a considerable amount of time has passed since last we saw him.
I'm not asking you to do that. But it's likely he could know something important. [ Whatever that is, he couldn't even begin to guess. There are far too many what-ifs, and supposing this is likely to become a priority, he's going to have to sort out far too much himself. ] Keep your enemies closer - as they say.
[ You are your own worst, after all. He gives him a smug grin before dropping his eyes to stare at the bottle he's drinking from. His thumb rolls along the edge. ]
What the fuck could he know, Cas? Apparently I screwed up and he saved the day. [ his past-self had been kind enough to drive that point home sweet and thorough. ] Our timelines are different-- we're the ones who're fucked, not them.
Sam can't ignore me forever either.
[ dean won't let him. brb going to empty this bottle now thanks. ]
You don't know that. [ Immediately, he jerks his head up and eyes him rather pointedly, oddly incandescent in that conviction. ] Things might be different, but it doesn't mean they are easy. You should take it into consideration.
[ Use him if he has to. However quietly it's implied, it's only there for a second or two, and then, it's almost a race to see who can finish their bottle first, though Castiel isn't as hellbent on downing the rest. There's already a slow burn in his gut anyhow. ]
I fuckin' hope none of it was easy, I hope he hurt just as much as -- [ i ] -- we did. [ for a moment there's nothing but pure hatred in his voice, fueled by the alcohol. he hates his past-self, hates him for making it through, for getting to keep sam and be okay. ]
Either way, none of it matters here anyway, right? We're dead, they're not, and it ain't like we can just fuckin' hitch a ride with them back to their little paradise universe.
[ He sits there and simply takes it. Dean's anger and his hate, the words that mean everything and hardly scratch the surface of what it is he alone feels. He doesn't allow himself to, searching for that blissful numbness of the liquor he drinks. They're probably going to need another bottle.
So, slowly, he climbs to his feet and uses the edge of his bed as a guide, already a bit lightheaded from the way the previous stuff hums in his veins. Yet, he's practiced, and there's a little breathy laugh as he wiggles one free and works to get it open with oddly sure hands. ]
If you could, would you want to follow them? [ Back there, a world without an apocalypse. He tries to imagine what that's like, offering the alcohol out to him. ] Hypothetically, of course.
[ the question is unexpected, despite how dean had opened the door for it. it forces him to sit back where he'd started leaning with his anger, shuts him up for a good long minute. another man might say yes immediately, it's a new shot at life, of something they never had. and yet... ]
[ He stands for a moment longer, looking at him and wavering a little as he considers it. Would it be worth it? A world without that kind of pain? Without-- Castiel blinks and pushes back, sitting heavily on his bed this time. ]
[ He gives the slightest shake of his head, gaze cast elsewhere. Anywhere but him. This isn't what he'd ever expected to happen between them--these words, like they mean something. ]
I don't feel the need to repeat myself. You know why.
[ It's almost immediate the way he rolls his shoulders, a shrug that's both nonchalant and dismissive. ]
I don't know. I suppose inviting me, uhm, along would make no difference. [ A huff of a laugh. ] If it's what you wanted-- There are some things I think we deserve to have after all this.
[ he just looks at you, cas, because seriously? one of them had lead everyone to their deaths, the other followed. their crimes are very, very different. ]
I'm only trying to understand. [ The counter is firm yet soft. He doesn't want to argue, but if this is where it's going to go-- Neither of them are innocent. ] Nothing would be the same there.
[ sigh. it's always the same, when they get to this topic. dean should know by now, but at the same time he wants cas to stand up for himself, to realize this chance he has to rid himself of dean. ]
I don't think you are. You're being stubborn for nothing.
[ His eyes shoot up, leveling with him particularly hard, and perhaps he is being stubborn. Still. ]
It was a speculative question. [ Hypothetical. Castiel stands, gripping his drink by the neck as he swings it up to take a drink. It's not smooth or polite, like it's his first time having something so strong. Absently, he wipes it away and tosses a glance in his direction. ] But it's not for nothing.
[ dean drinks from the bottle again, hissing quietly as it burns. it's starting to numb him good, and down to the core, just like he needs it to. soothes and quells some of those normally angry words he might be ready to spit out. ]
[ His shoulders sag a bit with the dismissal, but all he can do is wave it off, humming in consideration even as he wonders what it is they're doing like this. ]
Thank the angel for that. [ He grins, looking down at the unlabeled bottle for a second or two before drinking from it again. ] I suppose he thinks we can, uhm, be friends.
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you know it
Date: 2013-11-03 07:01 am (UTC)He has to look up at him from this angle, but it's not the first time he's done so. ]
I'm not keeping you from it. [ Because he still has the other bottle. Castiel opens his and leans back, watching him as he takes a drink. ]
no subject
Date: 2013-11-03 07:24 am (UTC)So... manage to taint your screw up of a past self yet? He was there, you know, on the spaceship when it happened.
[ when sam died. ]
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Date: 2013-11-05 06:48 am (UTC)I do, and he's aware of his mistakes. [ More than. There's something like a hum. ] Have you, uhm, seen him around?
[ Because he hasn't. Not since contacting him a few days prior when he'd learned the news himself. It makes him angry, but there's a little pride mixed with it, knowing that he had succeeded where his supposed "better" self had not, even if it had only been once. It's twisted logic, and it has him drinking again--several big, quick swallows. ]
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Date: 2013-11-07 12:12 am (UTC)dean has no plans of approaching the angel. ]
Probably better that way.
[ he would, god knows it, just end up getting castiel killed most likely. ]
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Date: 2013-11-07 12:40 am (UTC)There's a low sound of dissatisfaction. ]
I think it would be... unwise to disregard him completely. Past you, as well. [ He drops his gaze, leveling with Dean. ] It seems a considerable amount of time has passed since last we saw him.
[ So what do we know about either of them now? ]
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Date: 2013-11-07 08:17 am (UTC)Why the hell would I give past-me the time of day? All he keeps yappin' on about is-- is shit that never concerned him to begin with.
[ namely getting his friends killed. oops. ]
If there's one reason to get in his face, it's because he expects me to stay away from Sam. I ain't about to.
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Date: 2013-11-12 04:49 am (UTC)[ You are your own worst, after all. He gives him a smug grin before dropping his eyes to stare at the bottle he's drinking from. His thumb rolls along the edge. ]
... isn't that Sam's choice?
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Date: 2013-11-13 07:15 am (UTC)Sam can't ignore me forever either.
[ dean won't let him. brb going to empty this bottle now thanks. ]
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Date: 2013-11-14 02:10 am (UTC)[ Use him if he has to. However quietly it's implied, it's only there for a second or two, and then, it's almost a race to see who can finish their bottle first, though Castiel isn't as hellbent on downing the rest. There's already a slow burn in his gut anyhow. ]
Perhaps not. [ And he leaves it at that. ]
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Date: 2013-11-16 12:37 am (UTC)Either way, none of it matters here anyway, right? We're dead, they're not, and it ain't like we can just fuckin' hitch a ride with them back to their little paradise universe.
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Date: 2013-11-17 04:59 am (UTC)So, slowly, he climbs to his feet and uses the edge of his bed as a guide, already a bit lightheaded from the way the previous stuff hums in his veins. Yet, he's practiced, and there's a little breathy laugh as he wiggles one free and works to get it open with oddly sure hands. ]
If you could, would you want to follow them? [ Back there, a world without an apocalypse. He tries to imagine what that's like, offering the alcohol out to him. ] Hypothetically, of course.
no subject
Date: 2013-11-18 08:23 am (UTC)There's nothing for me there.
[ his sam is dead.
dean takes the bottle before asking; ] Would you?
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Date: 2013-11-18 07:15 pm (UTC)No. [ And carefully: ] Does that surprise you?
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Date: 2013-11-18 08:59 pm (UTC)What? You get a thing for the death and destruction or something?
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Date: 2013-11-18 09:40 pm (UTC)I don't feel the need to repeat myself. You know why.
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Date: 2013-11-18 10:37 pm (UTC)That again. And if I did go? What then.
[ don't be pathetic, cas. ]
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Date: 2013-11-18 11:04 pm (UTC)I don't know. I suppose inviting me, uhm, along would make no difference. [ A huff of a laugh. ] If it's what you wanted-- There are some things I think we deserve to have after all this.
[ And he wants that for him: peace. ]
no subject
Date: 2013-11-21 09:56 pm (UTC)What we deserve might differ.
[ dean doesn't deserve peace, despite wanting it. ]
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Date: 2013-11-21 10:11 pm (UTC)Why would either of us deserve differently?
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Date: 2013-11-21 10:26 pm (UTC)Don't be stupid.
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Date: 2013-11-21 10:32 pm (UTC)[ Much as it isn't the same here. ]
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Date: 2013-11-21 11:40 pm (UTC)I don't think you are. You're being stubborn for nothing.
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Date: 2013-11-22 02:15 am (UTC)It was a speculative question. [ Hypothetical. Castiel stands, gripping his drink by the neck as he swings it up to take a drink. It's not smooth or polite, like it's his first time having something so strong. Absently, he wipes it away and tosses a glance in his direction. ] But it's not for nothing.
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Date: 2013-11-22 03:36 am (UTC)[ dean drinks from the bottle again, hissing quietly as it burns. it's starting to numb him good, and down to the core, just like he needs it to. soothes and quells some of those normally angry words he might be ready to spit out. ]
Whatever this is, it's good.
[ the drink. not...this thing between them. ]
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Date: 2013-11-22 12:57 pm (UTC)Thank the angel for that. [ He grins, looking down at the unlabeled bottle for a second or two before drinking from it again. ] I suppose he thinks we can, uhm, be friends.
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