(w17d1) action.

Date: 2014-03-16 10:52 pm (UTC)
indecadence: (pic#6870095)
From: [personal profile] indecadence
[ He's lost count of how many times he's tried convincing himself to approach Dean over the last several days. If nothing else, he's persistent, and Castiel can't afford to lose his only friend to this. To Zelien or the mistakes he makes that he hadn't considered to be mistakes. But it's growing tiresome to repeat himself over and over, try to persuade the other man to see his side of things. He'd do anything to prove his loyalty to him, to their cause. Unfortunately, he thinks it might be suicide to attempt it.

At least recklessness seems to burn in his blood.

It's how he finds himself outside the place he'd been ousted from, waiting. There's no one inside, and he isn't sure it's good luck or bad that Sam isn't around. A buffer would have been welcome, though he doubts the younger Winchester's own affiliations with the devil would go over particularly well. Castiel leans against the wall, out in the open and arms crossed with intent. Even if he has to wait hours, he's going to fight to be heard. ]

Date: 2014-03-17 12:00 am (UTC)
indecadence: (pic#6805151)
From: [personal profile] indecadence
[ It's not the worst he's expected. In fact, it's the most neutral reaction he'd considered among all the others, and there's a breath as the tension slowly leaves him. Even if Dean is outright ignoring him, it doesn't mean he's lost here. He takes the silence as room to speak, but only after he's followed him. He's not going to let him continue to add to the distance already between them, and he's certainly not going to simply be written off as if he'd meant nothing.

Castiel grips the door and pushes inside as well, closing the door and turning to face him. The strain is there again, as if it had never left, and it sits low in his belly. ]


Dean-- [ Mouth open, he immediately closes it and shoves his hands into his pockets to keep from fidgeting. ] I'm sorry.

[ It's spoken after a relatively long pause, quiet but loud enough in the shadows growing around them to sound as if he'd wanted to yell it. ]

Date: 2014-03-17 12:26 am (UTC)
indecadence: (pic#6870109)
From: [personal profile] indecadence
I'm sorry I didn't come to you earlier.

[ This isn't the first time he's been ordered about like this, and it's certainly not the first time he's chosen to ignore it. He'd had an elaborate speech to give him, something that might have meant more than the fragile things he'd offered him before, but they slip away at that. Easy, far too easy.

Purposely, he takes a step closer. ]


I need you to stop avoiding me and understand. [ He's doing his best to keep the words short and simple, not slurred. ] Please.

Date: 2014-03-17 01:19 am (UTC)
indecadence: (pic#7067429)
From: [personal profile] indecadence
[ He meets that look with one of his own, expression a bit on the thin side. As understanding as he is about all of this, about what he's done, he's also far more exasperated. Dean's mannerisms have never affected him as they might have others at the camp. He'd have laughed it off, waved his hand a little or rolled his eyes. Though Castiel doesn't do that now, he absolutely refuses to budge. ]

And that's all there's ever going to be? I'm... useless to you because I chose to think about our mission long-term? [ Another step, and it's dangerous now, how close he's getting to the other man.

How much he's disobeying him. ]
I did all of this, everything, for you. It's always been for you, Dean. Now isn't the time to be pissed when I can finally deliver the only thing you've wanted for years.

[ Keep telling him to leave. He isn't going anywhere. ]

Date: 2014-03-17 03:52 am (UTC)
indecadence: (pic#6870111)
From: [personal profile] indecadence
[ He's never been particularly good at sticking to the safer side of things, and that also includes staying away from Dean when he's like this. So Castiel simply takes another step in. If he's choked because of it, so be it. If he happens to do something worse than that, so be it too. ]

There is no secret. I'm telling you everything there is to know

[ He raises a hand and presses a finger to Dean's chest, surprisingly steady as he looks at him. ]

It's. Real. [ And there's a slight poke with each word. ]

Date: 2014-03-17 05:02 am (UTC)
indecadence: (pic#7067424)
From: [personal profile] indecadence
[ Really, he'd been expecting it, but despite that, the pain cuts through the fading pill haze he's still trying to shake. It hurts, and he breathes out with it, turning with the pressure of the twist and following so that it eases up just a fraction. Castiel doesn't fight him. He doesn't struggle or try to escape.

Instead, he closes his eyes and grits his teeth. ]


Then break it.

[ His voice is completely serious, level and firm. When he speaks, it's not to tease him or taunt him. More than that, it's like a threat. A dare. If Dean isn't going to listen, he's going to force his hand this way. Bones will heal, but the fracture that's splitting between them won't unless he does something to stop it. He's prepared this time. ]

I'm not leaving you.

Date: 2014-03-17 05:43 am (UTC)
indecadence: (pic#7067422)
From: [personal profile] indecadence
[ He releases him, and his hand immediately goes to his wrist, gently rubbing at the reddened skin in an attempt to ease the slow throb of pain that's still working its way up the limb. A tilt of his head, and Castiel does his best to make out Dean's silhouette from where he stands. ]

And when are you going to realize it doesn't matter?

[ Even if it does. Even if it's the only thing that's keeping him here and pulling him down. He's already so lost, and he'd be so utterly gone if it wasn't for Dean. He wishes he could see that. He wishes he could understand.

He drops his hands to his sides, just as quiet as he steps beside him. ]


I can't do that again. [ He can't walk away knowing what might happen. ]

Date: 2014-03-17 06:12 am (UTC)
indecadence: (pic#7067420)
From: [personal profile] indecadence
[ But he still doesn't see it that way, and he doesn't think he ever will. He might have been wrong not to take the opportunity, but keeping the option open has led to so many others they could take advantage of, that they'd have never had if Castiel had given into the initial urge to ram his knife right into Lucifer's eye. The movement causes him to still, hands going up as if to brace Dean and put space between them if they got to close. Fingers brush material, and he grips it, immediately latching on. ]

Those were entirely different circumstances, Dean.

[ Too different. He pulls him in just a fraction more, feeling as if he's finally lost it. Years of abuse, and it's something so small and familiar that's pushed him over the edge. It's what makes him reckless, what has him standing toe-to-toe with the only person he has left to fight for. ]

I'm here to stay. I know you need me.

[ Even if Dean says otherwise, even if he never shows it, and worse than that, Castiel needs him too. ]

Date: 2014-03-17 06:54 am (UTC)
indecadence: (pic#6870101)
From: [personal profile] indecadence
Yes you do.

[ Or it wouldn't have touched him this much. The fact that Dean thinks he'd betrayed him wouldn't have hurt, and he wouldn't have lashed out so forcefully. Castiel readily accepts whatever he inflicts upon him without even blinking. That he can feel his breath when he breathes and the fall of his chest when he exhales shouldn't mean so much. ]

And you can. You will. [ He pauses, eyes wide in the dark in an effort to see him. ] We have tried it your way long enough. It's going to work, and I want you to have it.

[ A soft breath, and this time, he really might be begging him. ]

Please.

Date: 2014-03-17 07:45 am (UTC)
indecadence: (Default)
From: [personal profile] indecadence
[ No. No, no, no, no, and no again. This is not where he wants this conversation to head, and this is not what he wants to be left with after risking them like this. ]

Because you don't want to accept what I'm saying doesn't make it finished. It's never over.

[ What they have, and what they need to do-- It's always going, always being fought for. Castiel's too far committed to this cause and to Dean to retreat and start over. It's why one of his hands smooths its way across a shoulder, following that movement of the hand to grip his wrist and pull it down. He presses Dean's palm right against his chest, close to his heart, and he follows with his own to keep it there. ]

I'm not working for him. You're my leader - I only look to you. [ He curls his fingers in. ] That hasn't changed, and it never will.

[ He's not going to stop. ]

Date: 2014-03-18 01:38 am (UTC)
indecadence: (pic#6301428)
From: [personal profile] indecadence
[ He needs him to believe it though. It's why he'd die for this and not overthink any of it whatsoever. He'd been willing once, and he'd done it before, walked several times over right to his death. He's always willing, and Castiel would hate to consider what would become of him if Dean never looked to him again or needed him to be useful, to pull his weight and do something. He needs that purpose, and despite what anyone may think, he's not a great leader. He doesn't want the burden that comes with it, can't accept the role as he'd been made to follow despite the mold he broke. When he made the decision to stay behind and grind himself into the mud.

Dean is his choice, his only choice, and would always be.

His heart races a little at the words, eyes squeezing shut a second to block out the rush of it in his ears. He wedges his fingers just so so they're threaded with Dean's, and it's-- What could he say? What could he do with that? He doesn't want to break him. ]


I think we already have, but it's not always a bad change. [ For better or worse, he doesn't know, and he opens his eyes again. ] I won't. No more secrets.

[ Which isn't what he'd wanted anyway, so he's saying it now. ]

Date: 2014-03-18 11:17 pm (UTC)
indecadence: (pic#6301520)
From: [personal profile] indecadence
[ He doesn't have to tell him.

Castiel can hear all of it in that single word, the threat just as loud as the need. How it's gotten to be like this remains a mystery, but like most things with Dean, he doesn't question it. The last several weeks have brought them physically closer than they've ever been and thrust them apart in the same breath, and he can only keep up so much until he's dizzy with the thought of it. He gives the hand he holds a soft squeeze and carefully detaches them. ]


I never left you. [ It's then he dares to reach out and grip that arm in that spot. There is nothing to feel, not through the layers of clothing, but it's impossible to forget, burned into his memory as deep as it's burned into the other man's skin.

The pressure he applies is gentle but firm. ]
You only had to look - I'm with you, Dean.

[ He is Castiel's reminder the world could be right. If they go out, they're going together. ]

Date: 2014-03-20 11:41 pm (UTC)
indecadence: (pic#6301520)
From: [personal profile] indecadence
[ No one prefers sleeping in some ruined pool in a dark rec building, but it's not as if that particular part matters now considering the entirety of Zelien is without power. He hadn't really given it too much thought with everything else. He drops his hand and pulls back, shaking his head--whether or not he sees it doesn't matter. ]

Is that what you want?

[ Because he doesn't want to assume, and all of this feels... strained, stretched, weird. Castiel lightly curls his fingers at his sides. ]

I could stay. But we should discuss the sleeping arrangements.

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