hardhearted | ic inbox ; exitvoid

I have to try.

[ look, not lying for once!! but he has to try, over and over again until it's permanent. ]

You mean we have to try.

[ Because despite what you want to think, Dean, you're not in this alone. ]

I don't want you involved in it, Sam.

[ nope!! he's doing this alone, like he should have back in his own world. ]

That's too bad. Because I'm involved in it whether you want it or not.

[ He's the vessel. He doesn't have much of a choice. Sam shakes his head. ]

I don't want any of this anymore than you do, Dean.

No. Just stay safe-- just for a little while.

[ that's all he's asking. that sam stay hidden and safe for however long it takes dean to track down michael, to say yes. ]

If you do that, this'll be over faster.

How do you know that?

[ Sam asks earnestly, taking another step closer. ]

Tell me--where is safe?

Because I just do, alright?

[ dean tenses a little, partly because sam steps closer, but also because of what he ends up saying; ]

With other-me's your safest best. He'll keep you safe.

[ as much as he hates to admit it. ]

[ Sam isn't agreeing to anything; he's not going to be babysat. He's not so naive to not make the leap that Castiel's ability to appear and disappear at will isn't applicable to other angels. Sam has been on edge since that display of power, wondering if there's an if and when Lucifer decides to make his appearance.

Sam isn't sure if he's more bothered by the fact that he hasn't abused that ability to be intrusive. In fact, he hasn't seen him since their initial meeting. ]

What's your plan?

I do what I should have done in the beginning. I take him out with Michael.

[ is that putting it vaguely enough? either way, dean says it like it's simple, like it wouldn't end with him burned from his body. but that doesn't matter, he'd been too weak before, too prideful to give up his body. and it had cost him so, so dearly. ]

[ It might have been, if Sam hadn't badgered the other Dean for information. However carefully selected the pieces had been, Sam knew enough to understand the implications. Even before he speaks the worry etching deep on his features shows just how clear that statement is to him. ]

--You can't do that.

[ dean's expression just grows harder. ]

I have to, and it's what I'm going to do. It's the only way.

Why?

[ Sam refuses to believe it. Maybe because it's all still new to him, some place that looms off in the distance, even if the reality of their respective destinies has come pounding down on them with Lucifer and Michael's arrival. But Sam still has hope, he thinks this is an opportunity to change things.

He has to. Because if he doesn't believe that he isn't sure what else he can do right now. ]

Why is it the only way?

Because if there's one person who is powerful enough to take on Lucifer, it's Michael. And for him to be stronger, he needs me. If the Devil doesn't get his hands on you, he'll be at a disadvantage, Sam, and then I can gank him.

[ or michael can. details. ]

He won't.

[ Sam sounds resolved. There's nothing Lucifer can say, in Sam's mind, that would make him say "yes". Not with all the knowledge he has now. ]

Dean--what happens to you?

[ He's seen what happens to a vessel wearing down. Nick. That's his name. Trapped somewhere inside his own body as it falls apart. He can't wish that on Dean. ]

[ the resolve in sam's voice, it's good. it's what he wishes he'd managed to keep in his sam. ]

I don't know. But it's not something we can waste time thinking about, I have to act now. Before Lucifer finds you again, or something else happens.

Wasting time? That's not a waste of time, Dean--it's your life.

[ How can he be so indifferent to it? ]

Or yours.

[ which one do you think is more important to him? because the way he sees it is if he doesn't do this, if he doesn't try, then lucifer will find a way to claim sam and he'll loose his brother all over again, he'll have to watch the world burn again. ]

This is what I was meant to do, Sam.

[ Sam's quiet for a moment, the line of his jaw tensing up as he watches his brother. He's so sure, so...resigned. It isn't just stubbornness or resolve; Dean has given up and this is the only path he sees in front of him.

He doesn't seem to get that this is a different road all together. ]

This isn't an either or scenario, Dean. [ Sam shakes his head. ] I was meant to say "yes", is what I keep hearing. From you--from both of you, from him-- [ Which wasn't the most enjoyable conversation to have. ] --but you know what? I'm not going to. Because as long as I don't, then we have options. That's the same for you.

[ he hadn't come here to discuss this really, more to check up on sam and to chase down lucifer, but he's not surprised it has come down to this plans. still, he's not looking too happy about discussing them... ]

I already said no once, Sam and it cost me you. It cost me everything.

[ He shakes his head again, but it's slower this time, more sad. He has never seen his brother so worn down before; not even physically, just so...stuck. He's always been the more obedient of the two, but Dean believed in something then. Their father. He believed that John knew what was best for them and that following his orders is the right thing to do.

This Dean is out of options. He's lost something to believe in. Sam swallows visibly. ]

This isn't then. This is now. This is an entirely different situation. And we can make the right--better choices this time. [ He looks Dean right in the eyes. ] I know you can. You're still my brother.

[ dean huffs a strained laugh. ]

What better choices, Sam? There aren't any-- this is the best one.

[ waiting is the worst thing they can do right now, and this argument is pointless. ]

I don't expect you to understand, but this is.

Dean. Please.

[ He won't give up on you yet. ]

You think I want to lose you?

[ don't you dean, please him. ]

No. But you have other-me.

[ He will dean, please all he wants. ]

You're not the same person. [ As if it wasn't obvious enough. ] I don't want to lose you.

[ Even if you shot him. ]

[ that leaves dean quiet. has him curling his hands into fists as he lets his eyes drop to the floor for a moment. it should be easier for sam this way, with another dean lined up and waiting. not as much loss if he lets himself become michael's vessel then, right? ]

I killed you, Sam. [ reason enough, right? ]

...But I won't let you get killed again. But if I don't do this, I might as well sign your death all over, which I can't allow.

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