[ he knows what he says contradicts everything, how everything he feels contradicts, too. ]

I know it doesn't add up, Cas, but... [ i can't lose you, can't go through that, not here, not anymore.

it feels like everything's changed, from his mission and very meaning, to how he sees those around him. it's still hard to care, most of the time, to find the effort and desire to see those around him well. aside from sam and cas, that is. especially with the latter, with his friend standing in front of him, gripping his shirt and telling him he can't do both. ]

How can I believe that when you come to me with these plans?

[ suicidal plans, plans that have no way of working, plans that will get him killed one way or another. he doesn't trust it to work, doesn't trust cas to not do it, either.

curling a hand over to his own shoulder, it covers cas', soothes the trembling. ]

I used to not believe in a tomorrow, but now... I don't- [ it's hard to force the words out, quiet as they are. ] I don't want to face one alone.