[ He steels himself and clenches his teeth, biting down on the sharp retort that threatens to follow. Is that how Dean sees him? A traitor, like his brother? Castiel suddenly feels like laughing, the thought so... impossible that it hurts his head, his chest. He sits for only second or two, dragging a heavy hand through his hair before pushing up and following after Dean. ]

Everything has always been for you. [ It's soft, like he needs to convince himself of that fact now. ] Of course I thought it would... Why is it so impossible for you to believe people care?

[ He turns his head for a second, dragging his mouth across the back of his arm as he breathes to keep himself from really being sick. The words continue to hit, harder and harder, and Castiel remembers what he'd said to Lucifer. What had been said to him in turn. It's something he could never take back, and he wishes he could go back to that one moment of weakness, do it all over again and never mention what he'd done.

Too late for regrets. He shifts on his feet and staggers a bit, unintentional in the way he reaches out again for him. ]

I know what I should have done, and I know what I still need to do. There's a reason-- [ He cuts himself off. ] But you never listen, do you? Why should now be any different?

[ The anger's starting to seep through, and he spits the words, accusing and hurt. ]