[ It's edging on dangerous now, and with Dean's hand to insist he not come any closer, Castiel knows he's going to ruin it. He's going to say something that's wrong, something he's kept quiet for over a week. A secret that could end them, end whatever this is starting to become and prove how useless he really is. It's settling in his mouth though, words heavy as he tries to breathe and find the right words. ]
I couldn't kill him. [ And it's like a release, eyes cast somewhere away from Dean as he remembers running into Lucifer, remembers considering the alternatives and consequences of his actions. ] I wanted to, but I couldn't. I'm no better if I can't do what has to be done.
[ He's rambling at this point, shaking a little. His fingers curl tighter and hold onto him, refusing to be thrust away if it sounds like what it is. He'd failed. Again. This is worse than when Lucifer had snapped his neck; at least he'd known what might have happened. But as he's told Dean, thing are changing, countless things he can't possibly keep up with. And this is why he hates getting drunk sometimes, truthful to a fault and run down into memories he doesn't want to think about. It's worse than pills, worse than anything he's ever know.
Castiel sits back then, head down. ]
I'm not strong like you. [ He's given into so many vices, has fallen so utterly low. He's betrayed the one person he'd never wanted to let down, and it hurts. ]
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Date: 2014-03-09 07:18 pm (UTC)I couldn't kill him. [ And it's like a release, eyes cast somewhere away from Dean as he remembers running into Lucifer, remembers considering the alternatives and consequences of his actions. ] I wanted to, but I couldn't. I'm no better if I can't do what has to be done.
[ He's rambling at this point, shaking a little. His fingers curl tighter and hold onto him, refusing to be thrust away if it sounds like what it is. He'd failed. Again. This is worse than when Lucifer had snapped his neck; at least he'd known what might have happened. But as he's told Dean, thing are changing, countless things he can't possibly keep up with. And this is why he hates getting drunk sometimes, truthful to a fault and run down into memories he doesn't want to think about. It's worse than pills, worse than anything he's ever know.
Castiel sits back then, head down. ]
I'm not strong like you. [ He's given into so many vices, has fallen so utterly low. He's betrayed the one person he'd never wanted to let down, and it hurts. ]